The end of past times hapiness

As the end is rowing near, I really cannot tell dream from reality.I can feel the constant need to cry. Cry for all of it, never stop, feel it in. I thought that feeling numb was better and that feeling is what I was missing, but guess again, it isn't. No way, not this way, I thought I never had to do this. I've put all my hopes up that maybe if something is right it will be again. At this point it cannot be mended, not anymore and this is cutting the air from my lungs, it's crushing me like a bug.
I cannot so much as get a glimpse of that strong independent woman, the one who is a champion at work, the one whom they all think of as being so many great things, I cannot.
I've lost myself again and there is only one remedy, the only one I cannot go to any longer, the one that hurts me more than anything else, in all other ways but the heart.
I am drowning in this endless sea of obsession, thinking that this cannot be it, it must feel different, the real ending, you must be able to talk about it. Really, my conscience asked?
How do you ask about affairs of the heart? You just go there and state the obvious, looking stupid and putting yourself up for disappointment?!
You cannot do anything else, really, but feel it in, let it carve it;s ugly wound that will never heal, always knowing that maybe , just maybe, it was always She, my dearest, my friend who was right.
Maybe knowing this the wound will heal for the better, the medicine will work and hapiness will be on it;s way, until than, she is still right I am doomed.And doomed I shall be for the rest of this endless, but not meaningless ending.
I miss you like I have never , ever in this time, before!